Thursday, June 3, 2010

"I'm sure everything will be okay....."

A lot of people have said this to me over the past week and I just wanted to share my thoughts on this phrase and it's implied (or un-implied meaning).  At first when well meaning individuals say this I want to retort, "You don't know that!" but instead I just say, "Yeah, thanks."  The thing is that I don't know that everything will be okay.  I don't know that my immune system hasn't fought the treatments for the last four months and that baby Asher won't have to go to the NICU after he is born and if he does I don't know how long we will be separated from him.  I don't even know if he will be free of cranial hemorrhages (although at this point we haven't seen any and the PUBS results were great four weeks ago).  None of us are assured of our next breath, much less that "everything will be okay".

This is what I do know:  on the morning of the amniocentesis I got up to do my Bible study and before even beginning I prayed that God's will would be done on that day and that I would glorify him no matter the outcome of the day's events.  You can understand my amazement when I opened my Bible study and the first sentence of the lesson was, "Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  The days lesson was all about being willing to submit to God's will no matter what it is.  Do you know what this really means?  Submitting to God's will?  It means that even if God takes everything I have tonight: my children, my husband, my possessions, my life; that I am willing to submit to His will.  He knows what is best for me even if I can not understand it or see it and ultimately I was placed here on this earth for ONE purpose and that was to glorify Him.  Not to glorify Him "if, and, or but", but to glorify Him no matter what the circumstances.

Our greatest example of submitting ourselves to God's will was Christ himself.  Christ who is and was God became man to come to the earth and ultimately became the one thing in the universe that he hated: sin.  Then after he became sin he endured the wrath of God so that we would not have to (John 3:36).  Have you accepted this truth and are you willing to submit yourself to His will for your life?

When we went through the drama of having Ethan and almost losing him Philip and I came to be firm believers in these two truths: God loves our children more than we do and they are 100% His.  Not 99.9% mind you, 100%.  We have no claim to them as our own and if he wishes to take them from us or let them endure hardships then that is His will and we must submit to that will. 

Our friends the Raby's had 25 week old twins last December and what he said to his wife just before they were born is a perfect human example of submitting to God's will.  He told her, "Either God is big enough to heal these babies, or He is big enough to heal us."  Listening to Jared say this during a news interview brought tears to my eyes because until then I had really been too scared to pray for what I hoped would happen: a "normal" delivery and birth.  Instead I was just praying for His will to be done and for me to glorify Him.  These two things are still at the forefront of my prayers but now they include what I hope will happen, because God does want good for my family and he knows my heart's desires.  When I pray for them it shows that I am submitting these areas to Him, as only he can affect the outcome of this birth.

When Ethan was born the song and scripture that I clung to was Casting Crowns "Praise You in this Storm" and Psalm 121: 1-2.  Today I heard this song on the radio and I felt it fit perfect for how I feel during this pregnancy.  It is "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me and here are the lyrics.  The refrain really captures how I have been praying these last few weeks: "Bring me joy, bring me peace, Bring the chance to be free, Bring me anything that brings You glory, And I know there'll be days, When this life brings me pain, But if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain"

So now instead of being angry when people say, "I'm sure everything will be okay...", I simply think that they are right.  I am in God's hands and I am willing to submit to His will no matter what it may be. 

"I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain"


The Goodman Family said...

What an awesome entry. We are thinking and praying for you and your family.

Betsy said...

Praise the Lord, my friend! I learned a lot about these issues when my boys were born. And this year, I've come to the renewed realization that Jesus ALWAYS heals his children... sometimes that healing comes in heaven, but he is faithful to always heal. We had to take W to the ER last night and E reminded me of this in her little 4-year-old way.... sort of freaked me out since I'm not ready for Jesus to heal W in heaven, but it is still true. He is the great healer and He loves us (and our children) more than we can imagine!